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March 16, 2010

Writing Life

Dear Author – A Note From Your Heroine

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This post is inspired by Heather at The Galaxy Express and her post, Attention, please! This is your heroine speaking.

Dear Author,

I salute you. You sit for long hours in front of the computer as you labor over our stories. Without you none of us would be here. Mostly, you do us proud but I’d like you to consider the following:

1. Please, please don’t make me go down to the basement when there is a killer on the loose. Credit me with a little common sense and help me do something intelligent. Heroine
I don’t want readers to snigger at me and call me Too Stupid To Live. I deserve more than that, don’t you think?

2. I know popular opinion says heroines are slender and pretty, but how about making me stand out from the crowd? Make me sexy–sure, I like sexy as much as the next girl, but I can be sexy and an average size. Give me a few curves. Don’t you know I enjoy food? Oh, and if you give me curves, don’t go on and on about my size. I’m happy, really I am.

3. Please don’t take a stereotype and foist it on me. I’m not a hooker with a big heart. I’m not an ice princess. I’m not a geeky librarian. Give me individuality.

4. I like alpha men–really, I do, but at least give me a spine so I can stand up to them. No wimps should apply here.

5. I’m not perfect. I know that, but do you know it too? Give me some flaws and balance them with some of the good stuff. Make me human because readers will like me better that way.

6. Give me a snarky voice. I’m cool with that, but don’t make me snark all the way through the book. Readers won’t like me if I do that. They might call me a bitch, you know, and wonder what the hero sees in me.

7. Likewise, if my hero is going to be a bastard, let him fall off his high horse at some stage. Make him see the error of his ways or at least let me use my knee in his private parts. It might hurt him, but it would make me feel better after all the verbal abuse.

8. And finally, if you’re gonna make me have anal sex, please, please, please give me some lube.

Yours faithfully,
A Heroine.

What would your heroine write in a letter? Readers, what do you think the heroine should write?

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14 Comments

  1. Jaime
    Jaime on March 16, 2010 at 8:50 am

    I ROFL at the “lube” part. Amen, sister. :lol:

  2. Fiction Vixen
    Fiction Vixen on March 16, 2010 at 8:57 am

    LOL Great post!!
    I totally agree about flawed characters, love them the best. And the lube, you made me snort! :smile:

  3. Maria D.
    Maria D. on March 16, 2010 at 9:17 am

    I absolutely loved this post! So very true and I really think that alot of authors need to see this. Especially the part about the “lube”, I can’t count the number of times that there has been some anal loving going on and no lube employed in stories and let’s face it, it is a necessary item. Condom use too as one hopes that these characters have enough sense to know about disease and such.

  4. Cari Quinn
    Cari Quinn on March 16, 2010 at 10:43 am

    LOL, I may keep this checklist by my side next time I write. So, so true! ;D

  5. MamaKitty
    MamaKitty on March 16, 2010 at 11:12 am

    I seriously LOL’d at the “lube” line.

    I wish more authors would listen to their heroines. It really makes for a more interesting story.

    I don’t know that I could write such a letter… I write fanfic, and I fear that I don’t do it well (which is why I haven’t written a word in more than a year). I need to hone my skills a bit more before attempting such a letter… but thanks for the guidelines/ideas! :)

  6. Shelley Munro
    Shelley Munro on March 16, 2010 at 11:40 am

    Jaime – it’s actually surprising how many scenes don’t use lube. I always wince when I read them!! :eek:

    Fiction Vixen – flawed characters are great. I think we all like reading them, but sometimes it’s hard for authors to torture their characters too much. We want to be nice to them.

  7. Shelley Munro
    Shelley Munro on March 16, 2010 at 11:48 am

    Maria – I’m glad you enjoyed the post.

    Cari – LOL – I’m glad you found it useful.

    MamaKitty – I’m sure you’re being a bit hard on yourself.

  9. Debra Kayn
    Debra Kayn on March 16, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    Oh gosh, I love it! Crackin’ up with everyone else about the lube.

    This might be a good exercise to get more into your characters minds. I might try this sometime.

    Great post!

  10. Mary
    Mary on March 16, 2010 at 2:47 pm

    LOL..I’m laghing with everyone else about the ‘Lube’. I don’t know why so many authors leave that little bit out. Maybe they just don’t know any better, haven’t done their homework…so to speak. lol

  11. Amy W.
    Amy W. on March 16, 2010 at 5:23 pm

    OMG! That made my day! That last one is a must- too funny. However I do love a good stereotype every once in awhile. They’re good for short stories- LOL!
    Luv ya!
    -Amy
    P.S. When’s my book coming?

  12. Shelley Munro
    Shelley Munro on March 17, 2010 at 3:56 am

    Debra – great idea about getting inside a heroine’s mind.

    Mary *nodding*

    Amy W – I’m not sure yet. I’m waiting on edits and a release date. As soon as I hear, I’ll let you know.

  13. Sha
    Sha on March 17, 2010 at 9:23 pm

    It’s so true about the lube. Why do so many stories make it seem like it just slips right in!