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January 28th, 2011
Warning: An Unladylike Topic Ahead

Most days I go for a bike ride. It’s a great way to get out of the house and combat bottom spread–the writer’s curse. I think I suffer from a very mild form of hayfever or allergies because the minute I go outside my nose starts to run. It’s not enough to cause me distress, but when I’m exercising I tend to breathe through my mouth.

Picture this: Me calmly riding along on my bike with my mouth open and listening to my iPod.

Got the picture? Right. The minute I open my mouth it’s like an invitation to a Rave. The invitation spreads fast and far to every bug in the vicinity. They fly in like kamikaze pilots, diving bombing me to get to the party.

Now, we get to the unladylike topic of spitting.

Here’s what happens. A bug flies into my mouth. First I almost run my bike off the path. I’m choking and gasping and flapping my hands. Oh, good, I think. The bug didn’t get in. Then I feel it. The bug inside my mouth. I gag and splutter and attempt to spit it out. It’s still there. I gather up saliva, swish my mouth and do my very best spit. A great blob of saliva lands on my hand and I start laughing. Remember I’m still riding my bike? Right. I’m now chuckling like an idiot, wobbling down the path, and swiping my wet hand on my T-shirt. Oy!

When hubby reads this he’s gonna laugh. He’s always said I’m a girl when it comes to spitting. Personally I don’t think it’s a skill I need to learn, not unless I come back as a llama or a camel. Then I’ll be in real trouble.

BTW – today’s bike ride was a two-bug day.

How are your spitting skills?

9 comments to “Warning: An Unladylike Topic Ahead”

  1. Ack! That’s awful. But a funny story to boot. :smile: I had a friend who got a bug in her ear while mowing the lawn…that still gives me the creeps!


  2. Hillarious story but seriously would make me throw up in my mouth….lol…..my suggestion is to get a small face mask (like the ones used by dr’s in surgery) to wear when you go out so that you can breath in your mouth and not get any bugs…..lol


  3. LOL, I am laughing still. I can just see and feel that bug in my mouth. Creepy, and I can’t spit well either. I would have surely wrecked on my bike, no doubt.


  4. Cari – I’ve heard stories about kids getting earwigs in their ears after playing outside. Shudder. I can’t imagine anything worse. A bug would have trouble getting past my hair. I take comfort in that!


  5. Maria – LOL people stare at me enough now when I ride along singing to my iPod. They’d really stare if I wore a mask as well. :grin:
    Thankfully summer is the worst time of the year for bugs. It’s not so bad once the weather gets cooler.


  6. Kaye – thankfully spitting isn’t something that’s necessary for a job CV! We’d both be in trouble otherwise.


  7. OMG if people saw you they would have been cracking up…Sorry
    Eww on the bug…Guess you got some extra meat…LOL..Sorry could not help myself…


  8. Well, I’ve never had this happen but I think it’s an excellent reason for me not to dig my bike out of the shed and go riding this spring. See, you gave me a perfect excuse — no bugs for me, nope, no way, no how :grin:

    As far as spitting, I would have to have my son teach me the proper technique — he’s an expert already at six — sigh.


  9. Oh goodness, yuck.